(2018-12-26) We Leave the Past Behind
Calvin and Vic have the much needed talk about their unexpected situation and what they need to do going forward.
Players:
calvin..vic..

Vic makes her way into her apartment and looks around a moment to see if Willow destroyed or repainted anything. Nope, kid must have been busy with other things. She tosses her bag on the couch and her coat and such on top of it and heads for her bedroom to tug off her boots and dig out something in the sweatpants and sweatshirts family. She hasn't said anything since she came upstairs.

*

Calvin is similarly quiet but there is something off about it. Something too still. He pulls off more layers as Vic changes and is down to his plain white crewneck and jeans. He's barefoot, even. He's setting up, it seems.

*

Vic comes out in her fuzzy slippers and comfy clothes and she moves into the kitchen to look in the fridge absently. Coffee was a thought, but she wasn't sure it was ok to drink. So she grabs a half gallon of milk and checks the date to be sure it's ok. It is. She pours herself a glass. "So…" she offers.

*

"So…" Calvin says without looking up from his phone. He lets the silence hang for too long, letting just a few beats feel like an half hour. Then, he locks phone, sets it face down on the floor, and sits on the couch. "What do you want?" He says, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His tone has an edge to it; Impatient? Annoyed? Or just tired?

*

Vic turns and sets her milk down on the counter, folding her arms across her chest. "I think the real question is, what do YOU want? I'm pregnant. I didn't try to get pregnant. In the space of two days you've actually believed I would have cheated on you, and that if we got married it would be a disaster like those too young blonde bimbos you stood at the altar with. So clearly, what you want is not me, if you think I'm anything like those women, or that I'm even capable of cheating on you." Yep, she's pissed.

*

Calvin is calm as she speaks, watching her and listening almost impassively. "Where to start? Alright, first, I didn't think you were capable of cheating on me. At that moment, there was no other logical answer and…" He takes a deep breath. "My heart was breaking. It felt like I was rotting inside and I lashed out with no regard for your feelings. Why? Because you had no regard for mine, if you did cheat on me." He stands up. "Usually, it's me who can't stay faithful. I was thinking that karma had come around." Now he's pacing. "I'm clearly a man with commitment issues, alright? Three brides. One annulment, two divorces. I abandoned a whole fucking kid nineteen years ago and didn't even consider getting in touch with her until fucking fate intervened! And now, in the space of two months, I have a daughter, and a girlfriend and a baby on the way. Cut me some god damned slack!" He drops back onto the couch and buries his face in his hands.

*

"So how am I different from them? Tell me that. Think about it for a while and tell me what makes me different from your past failed marriages, or your abandoned kid? Because right now the only thing I can tell that's different to you is that you have no intention of marrying me because you think I'm just another mistake." Vic snorts and looks up at the ceiling. "And here I thought you were divine providence, someone who came into my life and made me want to live again after being alone for fifteen years. Someone mature, who understood grief like I did, and understood we were different, and special together, who wanted to be here for it all. Who saw me as the right one, finally, in his life. Not another future ex-Mrs. Shay!" She looks back at him, and maybe it's hormones but she's in no mood to cut him slack. "A couple days ago you were all gushing about wanting a baby, about being pregnant this time next year. So it's a couple months early. Did you mean any of that!?"

*

Calvin is trembling by the time is finished. "Slow. Down." He says around a tight jaw. "I never asked for a pedestal." He begins. "You aren't the mistake, Victoria." The trembling stops as he exhales. "I am. You want to know what's running through my head? Over, and over, and over like a looping GIF? What kind of husband I was. Which was awful, by the way. I was using and being addicted makes me mean. Cruel. Thoughtless. I slept around and yelled and threatened and forced more than one abortion on those pretty little blondes." Calvin moves to the kitchen. Water. He needs it.

A few swallows later, he continues, "Perfect segue. I never wanted a child. I would have said that until probably…halfway through my conversation with Wren. I looked at her and thought about all I missed. All I wanted with her that was gone. Yes. Yes, I want a baby. I want our baby. I want this baby. It's just a new, fucking emotion. I'm not who I once was and I'm not used to this person."

*

Vic's shoulders slump. "I'm not some timid girl who is going to let you be like that to me, Calvin. You know that. That's why I'm telling you right now that you hurt me, in that doctor's office, and in front of Willow and Everett. I don't ask for much in this life, but I do ask that you treat me based on who I am, how you know me to be, rather than based on your past bad experiences. That would be like me telling you what to wear because Evan wore it. I love you for YOU. Not for any comparison to him. I need you to do me the same courtesy, and stop thinking we're doomed because of your past."

*

"Me. Not We. I'm doomed." Calvin corrects with a dark chuckle. "I don't trust myself at this point. That's why I asked what you wanted. Because I will do whatever you ask of me." His gaze is sincere, almost innocent. "I-I want to marry you but it hasn't been long and…like I said, I don't trust my own heart anymore. Ain't done a lot more than lead me astray."

*

"This isn't something I can tell you to do or not do, it's something you have to want for yourself, and for me," Vic explains. "Your memories of marriage are awful, I get it. But a lot of that was the women you married. I'm not them. My memories of marriage are some of the happiest memories I have. Mine, my parents. What about your parents, don't you see it in them?" she asks in a quieter tone.

*

"T-That's why it-it's on me." Calvin's voice cracks and you can almost see the aftershocks as he carefully explains, "Dad gave up his dreams because he got Mom pregnant. But don't you dare pick on him for it. Don't try to shame him because if you ask him, it was the best decision he ever made. Dex—" Just saying the name rattles him. He takes a breath. "Dex loved the same guy for fifteen years. Married him as soon as he could. So, it's me. I'm the common link here. I know that you are a wholly different woman and that is why I am with you. That is one of the many, many reasons I fell in love with you. But, I am bound to fuck it up. I always fuck up. I've had too many safety nets."

*

"I won't let you. I won't let you go back to being that guy. That guy is gone, Calvin. The man I love is the man you are now. You need to stop being so afraid of him. He is a good man. One who stood up to his parents for once. One who fessed up to his daughter what happened so long ago. One who helped a messed up woman find herself again. THAT is who Calvin Shay is now. Here," she moves to the little Christmas tree on the table and pulls out a gift with a tag for him and hands it over. It's wrapped, but inside is the photo album, all the shots she took of he and the band working in the studio between Thanksgiving and Christmas. In every shot he is smiling, content, happy, even in the quiet moments. It's the man she loves. Proof of it.

*

Calvin is quiet, watching her speak. He looks relieved by the time he hands him his present. He looks through the photos and slowly a smile forms. "Not everyone gets to see how they look through their loved one's eyes. I think you came pretty close. You frame me so well. I almost look…normal." He lets out a dry huff and looks to her. "It's been two years almost since Dex died. Some part of me feels like there are miles and miles of road between then and now. Some mornings I wake up, pick up my phone and call him. Or…well, it's Mom now. Put her in his place on purpose. Part of me knows that…I left that Calvin Shay behind when I left rehab. I know there is no going back. But, if I backslide, it's not just me I'll be hurting. The stakes are so high, darlin'." He sighs and brushes some hair from his face. "When do you want to get married? I mean, I'm gonna propose but I need a window here. Soon? I'd get a ring but my Mom had to have her wedding ring cut off when she was carrying us so…I know better."

*

"Surprise me," Vic says with a small smile. "Just make it before I look like a goddamned whale in white, ok?" She moves over to sit next to him and resume the cuddling that was so rudely interrupted in Iceland. "I love you, Calvin. You're it for me. I think I knew it deep inside, before my brain even caught up to it. So don't worry. I will be there, always."

*

"Sooner rather than later. Alright." He winds his arm around her and he breathes out a relaxed sigh. "I'm still on the backfoot. But, I love you. That means something." He chuckles suddenly. "I told Grant about our accident. Between this and Wren, he and my new publicist are weaving one hell of a comeback tale. I hope you can handle a little spotlight, Mama. You're in on it too."

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License