(2018-12-01) The Birds and Bees
Uma and Eve are unpacking as conversation leads to the birds and the bees.

It looks like the rodeo trip is off - did Eve have an argument with her boyfriend Chucky? Uma is too polite to ask. Instead, she has decided to make use of her sister with the unpacking of boxes. Much more exciting. Right? Trouble is, Uma often stops to check out the latest thing she found. There is often a story with them. Case in point the framed photo she is currently looking at. "You were probably too young to remember this" she sighs, "My last Christmas before college. You would have been…seven or eight?"

OMG, he is NOT her boyfriend! Geez.

And despite her continued attempts to dodge unpacking duty, Eve does in fact step up when the time comes. She has just opened one of the boxes and checking what's inside, which happens to be a whole load of medical books. She pulls out the top one and peers at the cover, and promptly frowns. "Isn't Latin a dead language? Why is the title written in Latin?" She mutters, putting it down and stacking up a few more books, before grabbing the stack and heading towards a bookshelf. She even dutifully stuffs the books on to the shelf, and on the way back to the box Eve is called towards Uma. Bending down to grab her knees, she looks at the picture curiously. "What. This is 10 years ago? Am I in it?" Eve reaches for the photo for a closer look.

"Latin is not a dead language as long as someone is speaking it" Uma points out before adding, "I don't speak it. I need those books to help me out when I need to read it. Hmm…I should probably study Latin. Something to do on those dark, lonely nights." That will definitely help her get dates…with Catholic clergy. "I think you're in it" Uma nods, squinting at the photo. "Yep, there you are. On the kid's table at the back." She hands the photo over. "I think it was more fourteen or fifteen years ago."

Eve brings the photo up closer to her face to look. "Whoa, that's me?" She points a finger at the toddler in the back, and peers at Uma. "So like, call me curious but do you know how old I am? Fifteen years ago I was like… three." The photo is handed back to Uma. "Sometimes I wonder if anyone in the house remembers who I am, geez." She sighs dramatically and exaggeratedly. "Did you have a boyfriend back then?"

Uma does some calculations in her head. "Oh…yes…about three or four. What did I say?" A clearing of her throat as she tries to move on, though the new subject is no less embarrassing. "Umm…not really?" she replies. "I mean, I was going to college to do medicine, not exactly the kind of degree that lets you keep in touch with old boyfriends. So we broke it off, maturely, before we started. He went to USC or something anyway. Long distance relationships don't work."

Eve doesn't answer the age question, just rolling her eyes a little and letting Uma figure it out for herself. She's got a doctorate, after all! What's a little math? "So there was someone before you went off!" Now she crouches down next to Uma, manages to balance on the balls of her heels as she rocks back and forth. "You know you should go out and meet someone now. It's not like you have to worry about classes and stuff anymore, and look at you, you're such a hottie!"

"Yeah, there was someone before I went to college" Uma sighs wistfully, remembering the old, old days. "I probably remember it better than it was. That's how it usually goes. Oh well, it was a long time ago." A blush and a snort at the compliment. "Oh please, I'm in my thirties, Eve. I left hottie behind a long time ago. It's your turn now. You're the one who should be out and about, not in here unpacking for your big sister." She reaches out to squeeze her sister's hand. "Don't waste this time" she whispers, apparently a little serious. "It'll be gone before you know it."

Eve looks more than a bit surprised at the hand-squeeze, and the sudden seriousness of Uma's tone. "So… first of all, I'm not wasting anything. I thought I'm keeping pretty dang busy! Wasting time would be… I dunno, sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Or worry about how people judge me." She shrugs both shoulders. "And two, you're totes a hottie! I mean, sure you're kinda old…" Yes, thirty-one is old to an eighteen-year-old. "…but you're hot for someone older, y'know? There are a ton of guys who'll happily do you!" Beat. "And three, are you actually telling me I should stop helping you unpack? Are you really going to throw away my helpful mood? Because that is so, so unwise!"

"I'm sorry" Uma sighs, nodding in agreement with Eve. "I think I was projecting myself there. Yeah, you are definitely busy and that is great. I'm probably even a little envious" she chuckles before blushing at the compliment. Even if it had to involve confirmation she was old. "Do you know any of these guys who want to do me?" she laughs. "Give them my phone number, okay?" Uma will even try to give her sister a hug. "I am thankful for your help. If there is something else of use to do, go do it. And, 'no', sitting on a couch playing video games is not more useful than helping me unpack. Want to grab us the next box? And, Eve, though you may hate me for saying it, I do love you." A wink before she is flattening the box she has just unpacked.

Eve stops and tilts her head at Uma, and her confession brings a somewhat awkward expression to the younger girl's face. "How can I /hate/ you for saying that, Uma? But can I request that you never say that out loud in public? I mean… I have to think about my reputation, y'know? And it's not personal… I told mom and dad the same thing." She wrinkles her nose at big sis, and leans over to give Uma a one-armed hug, pressing her cheek against her sister's briefly. And then she's on her feet, moving to grab another box and pushing it towards Uma. "Anyway! Now that I know you're open to the idea, I'm totes gonna ask around for you. I bet that Doctor Shrink will volunteer!"

"Okay, no public expressions of love" Uma laughs. "I will do my best not to embarrass you. I can't promise to never do so…but I will do my best. I used to be cool too, you know." A pause while she screws up her nose. "I can't actually back that up with any proof." Uma grabs the new box and laughs at her first prospective beau. "You know how the introductions would be if we got together. 'Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor.' It will be like it is from 'Airplane'. And he didn't seem interested in me." She opens up the box to find cookbooks - dusty cookbooks. "At least we can eat properly now."

Eve gives Uma a blank look at the mention of 'Airplane', complete with a clueless shrug of her shoulders. And the cookbooks, she glances at the dusty tomes for a moment and makes a face. "Our feeding habits are going to be dictated by these ancient scrolls? Oy. Wouldn't it be better to call mom for help?" She crouches down again but this time doesn't deign to pick up anything, for fear of the dust. "C'mon, he /just/ met you. I /hope/ he's not so creepy that he's drooling at a gal after meeting her for 10 minutes." Beat. "Besides, that's just one dude from the top of my head; there are plenty of boy toys out there. Some of them might actually be good enough to compare to your friend in the drawer!"

"Yeah? As good as my friend? Where will I stick the batteries?" Uma smirks before picking out one of the books. "We can't count on mom forever. We're two independent women who need to do things on our own. I'm sure these books will be fine." She drops one to the floor and a cloud of dust billows upwards. "Maybe not that one. I think it says saturated fat is good." She tilts her head at Eve. "Do you think that my sister matchmaking for me looks a bit desperate?"

"Oh, sure it does!" Eve exclaims in response to that last question. "But I know how to work guys!" She holds up a hand and curls her fingers into a claw. "They'll be like putty in my hand! I'd bedazzle them so fast, they'll never know it was matchmaking." Cue sagenod, followed by a quick stare at Uma's eyes. "Your friend runs on batteries?" Eve blinks. "I thought it's just one of those… you know what, can I see it for reals? I've never actually seen one before." She rises to her feet and points a finger in the direction of Uma's bedroom. "Is it in your bedroom? I'll go get it."

"And what if all these guys fall for you instead" Uma asks with a sly expression on her face. Then a sigh and a roll of her eyes. "Yes, it is in my drawer in the bedside table. Yes, you can go get it if you like." Probably better than her sister doing it while she is in the surgery…and charging in to ask what it is. The doctor returning to unpack the box.

"Uh, no." Eve looks somewhat disgusted by that thought. "Me? With a thirty-year-old guy? Eww! That's kinda gross!" She even shudders a bit at the very concept. As for Uma's 'friend', Eve pauses in her tracks, looking a bit surprised that big sis agrees to it at all. "Wait, you're actually going to let me get it??? What happened to being embarrassed and flustered and hiding your face?" She spreads her hands in disbelief. "Are you feeling okay? Who are you? What have you done with my sister?" Eve reaches out to put her hand on Uma's forehead, as if to test her temperature.

"I have a feeling there will be less embarrassment now than you bringing it out during a session with a patient…or at a dinner party" Uma sighs, the blush on her cheek building. Maybe this was a bad idea. Really bad. "We need to talk about the birds and the bees at some point" she adds before looking up at her sister. "Or have you already talked to mom about it? Can't really rely on school sex education in this country. Hey! Why is it okay for me to be with a gross thirty year old guy." A teasing pout for Eve.

"Wut?" Eve spreads her hands at Uma. "Cuz you're a thirty-year-old lady! You'd be the same vintage, that's not gross." And then she narrows her eyes at Uma, at the mention of 'birds and bees'. Her lips purse together, as if trying to hold back some wise crack, or maybe it's a snicker? It's difficult to tell exactly. Finally, she bobs her head and rejoins Uma by the box, settling down on the floor and crossing her legs. "Okay, talk to me about birds and bees, O Wise One. Teach me all about sex."

"Mom didn't have the talk?" Uma frowns a little at this extra responsibility thrust upon her, but she fought ISIS soldiers in the middle of the night. Surely, she can talk to her kid sister about sex. "Just let me get a book" she smiles, "To help with diagrams." Ask a doctor for a sex talk and this is what you get. She leaps up and scans the bookshelves before grabbing a volume 'Human Sexual Relations'. A very dry looking tome. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you about penises and vaginas. And there is the 'physical' sex talk and the 'philosophical' sex talk. I suppose you want both." A pause. "I should probably get a drink of water…"

Eve's gaze follows Uma's to-and-fro towards the bookshelf, and when the book cover is read, she drops her face into her hands for an epic double facepalm. Looking up, Eve makes a 'duh' face. "Ohmygod Uma, this stuff is all over the internet! I mean, you google 'teen' and two hops later, bam! You're staring a porn site." She rolls her eyes. "Believe me, I didn't need mom to have the sex talk. I already know everything. Hey, you can quiz me if you don't believe me!"

"Oh…okay." Uma blushes, her mind processing this information before she has to ask. "Eve…are you a virgin? Umm…do you have protection? You know how to use it properly? Are you on the pill? Do you need a prescription?" Her little sister is probably getting more than she is. Since any number is more than zero, this is not difficult.

Eve sits there and stares at Uma for a few moments. No, Eve doesn't do blushes, but this time she actually blushes a bit. "Uhm. Wait. That's… kinda personal! I meant you can quiz me like, where does this thing go? How does a guy knock up a girl? Y'know? General questions about someone else!" She flails her hands a little, and quickly she climbs to her feet. "I think I'll go unpack some more. How about…" She stands there and looks around, until she spots a box near the front door. "…that one? I think that one needs unpacking the most. Yeah." Off she goes then!

Uma just failed her first test as responsible adult figure. Eve isn't meant to run away like that. Though at least the doctor knows not to go that direct route with anyone else. "I'm sorry, Eve" she sighs, trying to summon up a smile before putting the book back on the shelf. "Though if you do need the pill… Never mind. How about some cocoa and cheesecake?"

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